ORLY THINKS THIS IS A GOOD DISGUISE WHEN STALKING ME ON THE TUBE. HE’S SUCH A CRAZY KITTY. YOU KNOW I’M GOING TO ROLL THAT PAPER UP AND SMACK HIM ROUND HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE WITH IT.
omg so embarrassing, orly’s showing everyone how he moves in the bedroom. he always does tht face when he’s finished. cringe
Because the next album is gonna be full of them. Full of love songs about moi. Thats right, the reason I’ve not posted is because Orly and I are very much still in love, and as everyone knows, people who are in love dont have time for tumblr. Most of the time we are walking in parks, cutting each others hair and reading jamie oliver cook books. I’m so glad orly’s took some time off from pleasing you, his fans, to spend time pleasing me, not his fan. but he is writing an album, which is annoying because all he does is sing and make himself cry with his ridiculously lame lyrics. Love songs make me sick which is why i spent two weeks in the bathroom the last time he told me he had some new songs he’d like me to hear. so embarrassing. he also asked how i would feel if he did a duet with that spunk bucket floz and needless to say i kicked him out. but he came back, as he always does, with a guitar in his arms and tears in his eyes, he came back. anyway, for those of you who care what we get up to, we also have been on holiday to sandy balls, which was nice although orls didnt enjoy is because he spent a lot of time with…well, the clues in the name. there was also an unfortunate situ with a pedalo and a dolphin. in short, orly tried to show off his thigh strength by taking out a pedalo and taking me for a ride in the sea. after all that pedalling, orls got hungry and fortunately for him i keep his favourites, cocopops cereal bars in my bag so i gave him one. well, a seagull must have caught a whiff because next thing i know orly started waving his arms around and whining like a little girl. this seagull way getting angry and really wanted a nibble on orlys pops but orly just smacked it, and threw his bar into the water by accident. he jumped in after it, crying like a baby. then a dolphin came and headbutted him. i could see he was going to drown so i had to go in after him, but he wa being dragged away by an extremely engergetic dolphin. when i got close enough to save him, i realised that the dolphin was grinding him, trying to get his shorts of with his snout. then i got angry because i realised this randy dolphin as trying to make fishy love to my boyfriend and orly is not allowed to cheat on me, especially not with a giant rapist fish. i punched the dolphin and kicked her up her dirty dolphin vagina and took orly back to our pedalo. he is such a liability sometimes, i wonder why i even bother with him. when he woke up and realised his cocopops bar had gone he started rying again and blamed me for eating it. i didnt correct him as i thought if i told him he’d just almost been raped by a fish he might be even more hysterical and i cant be bothered with that, theres enough water in the world as it is, without orlandos tears.
anyway, im going to go now because orly and i are going to bed at 10.30 and i need to help him put his pyjamas on.
speak to you soon.
Orlando says he ain’t lettin’ no one have his girl. He thinks this is going to intimidate people. Moron.
orlando leaving farm foods
Hi followers, thanks for not losing your patience with me, I am such a busy person I dont really have time to blog. I spend most of my time snogging. Snogging Orlando that is. So much has happened since I last updated. Orly did tour with Floz and it was a bad time for us. I saw that horrendous video of them dancing together and obviously I would have kicked her in her knobbly white knee caps but unfortunately my legs aren’t as long as the atlantic ocean so I couldn’t quite reach. It made me feel sick when she sung toothpaste kisses because as I may have mentioned before, Orlando wrote that song about me and how he wishes I’d brush my teeth more. I dont mind giving him toothpaste kisses but the only thing I’d do to Floz with toothpaste in rub it in her eyeballs. I’m sorry, I do realise as fans of Orlando you probably like her too but she is coming onto my man so I do expect you to be on my side. Anyway, when Orlz got back to our place on Sunnybush road, I gave it to him. No, not that. I gave him a good slapping with the kipper he asked me to cook for him. Cheeky bastard. He told me it was all Florence and promised me he’d never touch a woman with hair more orange than his favourite cheese. I kicked him out anyway to teach him a lesson, you can’t let them think they’re in charge. I followed him to farm foods where he purchased some carrots and some vanilla ice cream and I pushed the stack of loo roll over him when he walked past. I also threw some miscellaneous items over the aisles and every now and then I’d hear him shout, “WHY DO THESE DRIED FRUITS KEEP FLYING AT MY HEAD?” and “WHERE ARE THESE BLOODY ICED FINGERS COMING FROM?”. After his disastrous trip to farm foods, he took his shopping and sat in Hyde Park where he likes to feed the squirrels. He came home just before christmas because he said he wanted to decorate a tree and he tried to do it in the park but the general public kept shouting at him and knocking his ladder over. we had a great chrsitmas, we made our own nativity movie where i was mary and he was a wiseman, we had to use cabbage patch kids for all the other parts. Orlando has lots of cabbage patch kids and he thinks its hilarious to buy one and put it in the cabbage patch in our garden and wake me up shouting, “LOOK THE PATCH HAS GIVEN US ANOTHER BABY ITS A GIFT FROM THE CABBAGE KING!” oh jesus orly. he’s so not funny x
vvrought asked: this blog has made my life. PLEASE UPDATE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
sorry for lack of posts but if you had a lover like orly would you be wasting your time blogging about it? thanks for the appreciation goldie X
hey bebe watch me try and fit this big thing in my mouth
YES ORLANDO I PUT VIAGRA IN YOUR TEA